The One Where They All Turn 30

Can we all agree there’s an “expectation list” to check when you’re 30?

About marriage. When I was small I wanted to become a singer, a news anchor, a police woman, a lawyer and a fashion designer…in that order. My career goals seemed to drastically change as I grew up. But what I knew for sure is that I wanted to go to college, find a job and only after I’m stable on my own, I’ll get married. I figured 27 is a great age to have a wedding.

I did go to college and my career is on a promising path, but we’re not married and we’re not even planning and we’re having the best time ever. I mean if you ask me, we might as well be married if marriage is more than a certificate.

Am I looking forward to a complicated and expensive wedding where I’d invite people from 6 different cities and 3 different countries where everyone judges my dress, my location, the food, the band, the dj? No, not really. Am I tired of being asked about it? Yes, yes I am. When will people start asking: are you happy? does he treat you well?

Sometimes it feels like we don’t have our friends’ approval or that my relationship is not serious enough because we are not married. That seems a little unfair. Marriage should be about respect, trust, kindness and support. Why can’t people imagine that someone can commit to all of that without signing a paper? Especially today when people easily can get out of that commitment…

About babies. Is it really that bad if I don’t want to start having babies? I know they say that you’re not supposed to wait until you’re ready to have babies, because you’ll never REALLY be ready, but I just can’t imagine myself with a baby yet. Of course I thought about it. My conclusion is I would be awesome as a mother and our DNA might produce the best baby ever. But when I thought about it, when I visualised it, we weren’t living in a rented apartment and we didn’t have to worry about paying rent and buying diapers. In my vision we are rent free and we’re financially and professionally secure and the baby was not the “dream killer”.

About home. Right now these things seem so far away from us. A few years ago I decided to make peace with the thought that I’ll never own a property and I’ll be living in rent my whole life…and I did. Except lately I’ve been starting to ache for a place. It’s like I miss it… Like I miss my home, but I don’t even have it yet. Weird feeling, can’t really explain it.

About now. Our balcony is 8 meters long. Don’t be wowed. It’s an ugly rusted balcony. We only use it for storage. But the view is exquisite. I can never properly wash the windows because I’m above a sidewalk and it’s not ideal to walk down the street, on your way to work and have water and detergent drip on you, so I can’t bring myself to do it. But this is my next week’s resolution. I’ll be sharing my sunset with you when I’m done.

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21 thoughts on “The One Where They All Turn 30

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  1. I haven’t been hereally for a whole, it’s like WordPress reader sabotages your posts! So first off, I like the new content and layout 😊
    Secondly, one of my mantras I like to (need to) remind myself of from to time is: my life, my words, my choice, my happiness. Some people will always want to validate their own decisions and lifestyle by making/expecting others to have the same. It took me a long time to nurture that out of my family but I think by now they’ve accepted that I don’t live by standard society rules. So hang in there, they’ll understand after a while 😊

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    1. My family has learned by now that they should stay out and let me do my thing, now that I think of it, if I had to deal with them too, it could get harder. But, thankfully, they partly trust me to take good decisions and partly realise they can’t interfere since they didn’t invest much to begin with. And even if they would, I don’t see them that often, I couldn’t care less. It’s my friends. I see them a lot and it’s all they can talk about. Sometimes it feels like my state can seem a lack of evolution. Like “she’s still stuck fantasising about her career and her destiny when she should be preparing for the real life…being a mommy.” I guess they’ll get there eventually. I just don’t want them to continuously think I’m missing out on something just because I don’t choose the same path. Don’t want them to feel sorry for me and , why not, even be excited by this journey. Thank you for the encouragement! πŸ™‚

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  2. Much of what you wrote resonated with me. I’m 32 and unmarried, living in a rented apartment, but with a degree, a good job, and financially independent, and I’m content. Many of my family and friends had a hard time with this for awhile. There was a lot of pressure on me to date. Everyone said it would fix everything. My life would be perfect. But, there’s no such thing as a perfect life, and I really love the life I’m living right now. It isn’t that I’m closed off to the idea, but it isn’t very high on my list of priorities. People have so many conflicting expectations that they impose on others. I have to try to pay attention that I don’t do the same thing by trying to “fix” all of my friends who don’t need fixing. I hope that wherever your life leads you, you find the right path. Happy Birthday!

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    1. Thanks for sharing with me, it’s a struggle and I’m sure the pressure will get even more obvious as I approach 40s, but just like you said, it’s not such a priority, I am so happy without it…if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. πŸ™‚ I am quite alone in this in my friends circle, but I’m glad to know I’m not alone in this world. Thank you!

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  3. I’m so with you on all of this! I’m just a few years behind you age wise, but have been hearing those same questions for years. It’s tiring. And it annoys me that anyone think that it’s their business when you’re getting married and having babies (maybe you won’t!). But we’ll keep smiling THAT smile (you probably know which one I’m talking about) and maybe someday it’ll go away πŸ˜‰ I figure that as long as we’re happy with our situation, all is great!

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    1. Yes, it’s definitely tiring… πŸ™‚ And everyone else has so many expectations to push on us, it never quite seems enough for them that we’re happy…like “what’s happiness got to do with anything??? You gotta get married!” Hopefully we are the trial generations and all the girls that come next will be able to decide on their own what’s the happiness they choose without being judged. πŸ™‚

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  4. I share the same feeling about marriage, I don’t get why people are so judgy. Not being married doesn’t mean there’s less of a commitment or none at all… It’s really sad when you realize some people don’t take your relationship seriously because of that (but I guess those are not the true friends). And not every girl dreams about getting married in a huge white dress with hundreds of people around πŸ˜‰

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    1. I would actually love to have a white dress, but if you just plan a party for your dress without getting married, people think you’re weird :))) but I would totally do it.
      The worst thing is, though, so many married friends have really difficult relationships and I just didn’t see any of the men treat their wives as I’m being treated…it’s like they gave up…while we’re still fighting to make it better. πŸ™‚ So that’s one of my reminders when I feel judged.

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  5. I totally understand about just being with the person you love and not having to sign a paper. Even though I am married, things would not change between my husband and I if we weren’t. I’m happy just being with him. We were together for 5 years before getting married, and now we’re together for a total of 13 years this August, and that’s 8 years married. I’m 34 and he’s turning 37. We love our life and being able to do whatever we want. We don’t own a house, just travel around, and we don’t intend to buy anytime soon. We love a free life. When we want to live somewhere we can call home base, we’ll probably buy then, but right now that’s not a concern for us, or a priority. And as for kids… Not going to happen. We’ve decided we want to be kids free. We love just living our lives and being together. It’s all we need. And I think that society’s standards nowadays totally don’t apply with modern people. I think all that matters is what you want in life and what you and your partner wants. It doesn’t matter what other people think or want for you. It’s not about them, and they’re not living your life.

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    1. Wow, thank you for sharing your story, Angie, this is so encouraging! πŸ˜€ I really needed to have a different example of what life can be…besides Chelsea Handler ;). We are quickly heading for our 8th year anniversary, the only thing that would change if we got married is that I’d have to spell his surname, because it’s a complicated one :D. If we could buy a place, we probably wouldn’t buy it here in Bucharest, this is not where we want to settle and we’re not really decided on kids. We don’t want any right now, but in time we might change our minds about it and just like you said, we just enjoy living our lives and being together…:) Thank you!

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      1. In my case, changing my surname to his resulted in easier spelling and pronunciation. My old one was complicated in both spelling and pronunciation. It was a long last name. πŸ™‚

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  6. My wife and me had all of them by the time we were 27. Including the rusty balcony. But others started asking about second kid, a bigger house with a non rusty balcony or about the school choices for my daughter. The point is others always keep questioning. It’s either their way of keeping the conversation on or they are just jealous. You should follow your heart and intuition.

    We never regretted having all of them at young age btw. Would not want to go back and change anything for I don’t know what Butterfly Effect it may cause. Happy the way we are. πŸ™‚

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    1. Yeah, that’s another thing, there will always be some new step everyone thinks you should make. But yes, if this is your journey and you love it and you’re at peace with it, it’awesome! It’s pretty cool if your dreams match the society’s expectations, no worries. Thanks for the encouragement. πŸ™‚

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    1. Thank you! That’s what I keep saying but at one point people start to pressure you and make you feel guilty about not lining up with them and there’s just no peaceful way to get rid of that, it feels like I’d be starting a war… but you’re right, I should be able to enjoy my own life. πŸ™‚

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  7. I’m the same. I had my babies young but if I had it to do over I would have waited a longer time. And don’t let anyone make you feel like marriage is supposed to be your path. If it isn’t broke dot feel like the wheel needs to be fixed by a piece of paper. If and when it’s time you’ll know it. I had a severe attack of the soul on the 35th birthday-where I was “supposed” to be by then but wasn’t. But I realized a year or two later it was just BS. Maybe you’ve just inspired a post in me, lol.

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